“I have always said that December is my favourite month of the year; it is the perfect time to count our blessings and also spend time through our family. 3 years ago, i was an extremely excited to begin the brand-new holiday traditions with my new little family; mine husband and my newborn daughter. Scarlett to be 3 month old once December started, and also it was a liven time because that our household with me going back to work and also getting all set for finals.

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Courtesy the Thalia Macias

On December second my day started as a regular, busy day. Ns took Scarlett to she caretaker and also headed to school to current a project and also then come work. However, mine day take it a wrong revolve when around lunchtime I got a speak to that no mommy should ever receive. The voice on the various other line said: ‘There is other wrong v Scarlett, she won’t open up her eyes and also she is really weak.’ I automatically panicked and told she to call 911. I drove to the babysitter’s residence like a rocket! once I arrived, Scarlett’s dad was currently there and also the ambulance together well. I saw my 3-month-old baby having actually a seizure, and I shed it. My baby was being held by the avestor while the paramedics were giving her medical attention. I stood in the corner in panic.

I left in the ambulance with my daughter. Her seizure continued all the way to the hospital, lasting around 10-15 minutes. Much too lengthy for one infant!

We to be rushed right into a room together my infant was still unconscious, and I simply wanted she to wake up and also look at she beautiful eyes. The ophthalmologist go in and also checked Scarlett’s eyes and the native that came out of she mouth quiet haunt me come this day… ‘YOUR BABY has BEEN SHAKEN.’ ns was hysterical! ns knew what that meant, together a former journalist ns had already done a story around a baby who went with the very same thing. Mine sister and also husband stood increase motionless, when I fell down in complete tears imagining the worst situation scenario. Everything was chaos ~ that.

Within minute a situation worker proved up, adhered to by the cops and also child abuse investigators asking for a in-depth timeline of ours week. Us were being doubted as my daughter was acquiring MRI and also CT scans done. Detectives inquiry the same questions over and over again, and each time with an ext pressure wanting for us to give response we did not have. Us were separated and were told the if us did not cooperate, we would not have the ability to see ours daughter. And also of food we want to cooperate, yet we were so confused. The truth that she to be physically abused just did not make sense. Us were in denial. Who could be capable of hurting our baby? we trusted everyone approximately her! What really happened? (Until now I carry out not have an answer).

Throughout her time at the hospital, we were called she had actually a hemorrhage behind she eyes and bleeding in her brain. Every little thing was a wait game… wait for Scarlett to wake up up to uncover out to what degree her brain had suffered damage, and waiting come hear indigenous detectives top top the next steps of the investigation. My belief was tested and also I had numerous conversations v God, the ones i never had actually before. I blamed him plenty of times, and also others, i begged him. Ns asked him countless times, why? Why my baby? Why this? What go I ever before do to him! ns prayed with my totality family approximately her as she was on she hospital bed unconscious. 2 days go by and she finally opened her eyes, and she looked at me through those beautiful brown eyes and smiled. Mine heart had actually never feeling so lot joy! the is the day ns knew God was in my life and he to be by mine side every along. I had prayed so much and also he was letting me know every little thing was walk to it is in okay.

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Our time at the hospital to be a mixture of security time v our daughter, to being questioned plenty of times each day, come talking v lawyers and trying to know what really occurred with neurologists. Even though us don’t understand what really happened, we believe she was shaken for a small amount of time. Enough time to cause bleeding, however not enough to cause irreversible brain damage. After ~ a few days at the hospital, we were all house together again… through a criminal situation still open, a lengthy list that doctors’ appointments and also a very scared mom and also dad.

Courtesy the Thalia Macias

Because of the blood the she still had actually in she brain, there was a opportunity that she might get another seizure, so we were sent home with an anti-seizure medicine. We had to provide it come her twice a day, every day. If us did not follow the schedule, the opportunity of having actually a seizure increased. Us had many sleepless nights terrified that she might get a seizure while us slept.

Since ns was a continue to be at house mom now, ns was with her many of the day, and it was an extremely hard! i was afraid to host my very own baby for months. I would just hold her once I had to feed her and also would then put her under after that. It sounds harsh, i know. However, us were very traumatized by the totality investigation, specifically me. We were questioned around the way we lugged her, if we rocked her to bed as well hard, if we played rough through her, also if any type of of our household members disappeared with her in their arms. All of those scenarios of what could’ve occurred were haunting me. However, medical professionals assured us that simple things favor that would certainly not reason her brain to bleed, it had actually to it is in a strong force and also a earlier and forth shake of she head.

I remember one day I to be trying come teach her just how to sit by it s her the way her pediatrician confirmed me. Together she to be sitting ~ above the bed, I got hold of her arms and helped she pull herself as much as the sitting position. Somehow, she slipped and fell ago on the bed. I instantly panicked! I got hold of her and ran to my husband and told him what happened with tears putting down my face. I did no sleep the night reasoning I had hurt her. It sounds silly now. Every kid that is learning just how to sit will fall ago or on their side, it is a normal part of the process. Yet in my mind, a straightforward movement favor that had the ability to hurt my baby. I decided not to walk to numerous family gatherings because I was terrified the letting who else bring Scarlett. My heart would literally stop, and also I just wanted to cry. I felt together if I had no power over her wellness while she remained in someone else’s arms. Us constantly confirm her soft spot come make sure it wasn’t bulging, together according come the neurologist the was something come look for.

Courtesy that Thalia Macias

As Scarlett learned come crawl, us would put a security helmet on her head and even climate it was daunting to let her crawl on any kind of hard floor that did not have carpet. As soon as she began walking, I resided in fear, I simply wanted to be able to keep her within a bubble so she wouldn’t acquire hurt. There are plenty of times we find ourselves potentialism restricting our daughter to the simple things the most kids get come enjoy, thus, making united state feel dreadful as we recognize she has to experience life. Unfortunately, our fears of shedding her continue to exist and also will probably proceed to exist because that a long time.

Now that she is a toddler, we try to offer her as lot liberty as possible but we still room far more cautious than the common parents. We carry out NOT leave her side. Even if we space with household members, she dad and I take transforms to be next to her. That is a many work because that the both the us, however, us feel the require to protect her. Many world have judged united state for the method that us treat her, together we may appear to it is in ‘helicopter parents.’ i am living with so countless fears and feelings i still have to process that that is difficult to simply relax. I am traumatized! i am fear to lose my child! i live v that are afraid every day and also I shouldn’t. PTSD is a real thing. Now I will ask that you please carry out me a favor… the following time that you check out a mom and also she is being too overprotective, or you think she is a small too much, just stop and think. Perhaps that mother has been with a hard experience with her baby. Possibly it was hard for her to develop or perhaps that child has some impairment that room not noticeable. No mother should live in are afraid that other will happen to their kid every solitary day, however I do, and also I recognize that plenty of others do as well.

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Two months after she to be shaken, i noticed her eye was drifting come the side, and at 9 month she was diagnosed with strabismus. When she was 1 ½ year old she had her first eye surgery, i m sorry did not work. Now we space doing patching permanent in wishes to repair her vision, yet there is the opportunity that her eye will never ever be able to completely recover.

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Courtesy the Thalia Macias

As the days walk by it it s okay easier, and also every work we are thankful that she is right here with us. Now, our tiny warrior is 3 ½ years old, she knows she ABC’s, her colors and also dreams of becoming a firefighter.

She is such a strong small girl and also we are exceptionally proud that her! This obstacle gave me a brand-new outlook, it provided me the chance to appreciate life, also more, come be v my daughter every day and also be able to celebrate every little milestone through my princess. I give thanks to God every day for life, she health, her love and for this opportunity. It has not been an easy journey, however it has actually been the many beautiful trip of my life.”

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Courtesy that Thalia MaciasCourtesy the Thalia Macias

This story was submitted to Love What problem by Thalia Macias of mountain Diego, California. You can follow your journey on Instagram. Do you have actually a comparable experience? We’d love come hear her journey. Submit your very own story here, and also subscribe to our finest stories in our complimentary newsletter here.

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Read about more survivors the shaken infant syndrome:

‘I establish I had missed 20 calls from my mom. The night before, her father picked she up. I arrived at the ER really confused. All ns remember was she yelling and also crying.’

‘He inquiry me if he can murder the baby now. His father had actually been alone through him because that 2 hours and everything had actually been fine.’

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