ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!

SOLDIER #1: Pull the other one!

ARTHUR: I am. And this my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court of Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.

SOLDIER #1: What, ridden on a horse?

ARTHUR: Yes!

SOLDIER #1: You"re using coconuts!

ARTHUR: What?

SOLDIER #1: You"ve got two empty halves of coconut and you"re bangin" "em together.

ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercea, through--

SOLDIER #1: Where"d you get the coconut?

ARTHUR: We found them.

SOLDIER #1: Found them? In Mercea? The coconut"s tropical!

ARTHUR: What do you mean?

SOLDIER #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.

ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land.

SOLDIER #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

ARTHUR: Not at all, they could be carried.

SOLDIER #1: What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?

ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk!

SOLDIER #1: It"s not a question of where he grips it! It"s a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.

ARTHUR: Well, it doesn"t matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.

SOLDIER #1: Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?

ARTHUR: Please!

SOLDIER #1: Am I right?

ARTHUR: I"m not interested!

SOLDIER #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!

SOLDIER #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That"s my point.

SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.

ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!

SOLDIER #1: But then of course, uh, African swallows are non-migratory.

SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah.

SOLDIER #1: So, they couldn"t bring a coconut back anyway.


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SOLDIER #2: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?

SOLDIER #1: No, they"d have to have it on a line.

SOLDIER #2: Well, simple! They"d just use a strand of creeper!

SOLDIER #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?

SOLDIER #2: Well, why not?

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